Rejection Letter #10
(Transcript of letter below.)
Amsterdam, 3 July 2013
re: Your offer of Canadian Citizenship
Dear Mr Harper,
Having given all due consideration to the offer presented to me by your cultural attaché Mr Lefevre of the Canadian Embassy in Amsterdam, I regret to inform you that I feel disinclined to adopt Canadian citizenship and must refuse the six-figure annual stipend you offer and the villa in Toronto.
Although I am flattered by your argument that “Canada deserves a novelist of the calibre of JM Coetzee”, I can in no way guarantee that I could fulfil your country’s ambition of “finally winning a [expletive omitted] Commonwealth Prize”, as Mr Lefevre suggested after several glasses of red wine.
May I be so bold as to suggest that you make the villa in Toronto available as a retreat for worthy young Canadian writers, who I am sure will also welcome a portion of the stipend you so kindly offered? If all else fails, perhaps you can approach the US Secret Service to establish whether there are any Canadian authors masquerading as Americans. I’ve always had my doubts about that Delillo chap.
Richard de Nooy