A Totally New Year

I distinctly remember my first New Year’s Eve in Amsterdam, marking the start of 1987. My new Dutch friends invited me round and, as we watched the TV clock ticking towards midnight, people stood wrestling with champagne bottles in an attempt to pop the corks at exactly the right moment. All this was vaguely familiar. But then the kissing began. And the shooting.

I was about to take cover under the buffet table when I noticed that my new friends were rushing out to the balcony or up to the roof or downstairs into the street, carrying bags full of fireworks. And so I put on my jacket and made my way out into the freezing night, seeking shelter behind a parked car until I imagined what might happen if a stray rocket were to hit the petrol tank.

When I was growing up in Johannesburg, we celebrated Guy Fawkes Day (5 November) with fireworks, but I don’t recall ever having been treated to such incredible aerial displays or hearing such an ear-shattering barrage of bangs on New Year’s Eve. Fireworks were banned in South Africa sometime in the late 1970s, so all this was new to me.

When I explained this to a couple of my friends, they immediately suggested that we should go to the Nieuwmarkt, a square in the oldest part of town renowned for the Red Light District but also for the many Chinese restaurants and businesses that line the surrounding streets. Every year, the local Chinese community put on a spectacular display of firepower, transforming the square into an ankle-deep red sea of firecracker paper.

“And it isn’t even really new year for them!” shouted one of my friends.

Only later did I discover that the Chinese celebrate the start of the new year sometime between mid-January and late February to mark the end of the winter season. And only today did I discover that this is because the Chinese calendar is lunisolar, which is why the date varies with the coming of the new moon and why Chinese New Year is also referred to as Lunar New Year, which usually falls about four to eight weeks before spring begins.

Only later did I discover that the Chinese celebrate the start of the new year sometime between mid-January and late February to mark the end of the winter season. And only today did I discover that this is because the Chinese calendar is lunisolar, which is why the date varies with the coming of the new moon and why Chinese New Year is also referred to as Lunar New Year, which usually falls about four to eight weeks before spring begins.

(Fireworks on Nieuwmarkt, Amsterdam. Photo by Roel Brals)

Read the rest here…

Christmas in Paris

Do you remember our first Christmas in Paris?

How I took the train from Amsterdam to Gare du Nord?

How I skimped and saved my paltry student loan to buy the ticket, because I wouldn’t let you pay?

How I almost got into a fight and then struck up an absurd conversation with a drunken Scottish tourist who kept asking if I was a poofter?

How you said I should take the metro out to Charles de Gaulle?

How I pleaded with the chauffeur of the hotel shuttle in my awesome schoolboy French?

How snow delayed your flight in London and then again in Amsterdam?

How I sat waiting in the deserted hangar of a hotel lobby?

How the prim receptionists whispered with puckered lips, casting sly glances, their horn-rimmed heads nodding in agreement at my lack of elegance, my ponytail, my leather jacket, my winkle-pickers?

How I worried about the fact that I couldn’t catch a taxi into town (“Je suis rien de monnaie…”), that I didn’t have a credit card, that mobile phones had yet to be invented, that the only other person waiting in the lobby – clearly a handsome deserter from the légion étrangère – kept eyeing me over his copy of Le Monde?

How I later discovered that he was the French lover of one of your crewmates, instructed to give me shelter should your flight be cancelled, but too bashful or linguistically ill-equipped to inform me of his role as saviour?

Do you remember how I sat trying to read James Joyce because I thought it looked cool?

Read the rest here…

Swimming Loop

The pool was too crammed to swim, so I just sat lurking and looking.

At the recreational facility, we re-enact creation, stripping down to our loincloths before rejoining the primates in the gene pool.

All patrons must shower before entering the chlorinated toilet with its bobbing human flotsam and jetsam.

Humanity has common customs and archetypes at pools around the world – the handstand, the bullfight, the wanker with the beach ball.

Too many fathers still contravene the United Nations Speedo Limit, set at 25 years and under, causing serious ocular trauma.

Psychologists studying the transition from incredulity to rage often visit pools to witness who-the-fuck-used-my-towel behaviour.

Jagged Strips & Manic Rattles

My walks have taught me that there is joy in the rhythm of a limp, the shape of noise and the movement of garbage.

Those who ask for nothing in return are often the most difficult to please.

Our obsession with screens, big and small, is driven by our deeply-rooted desire to sieve reality and bend it to our will.

It is unclear whether the photos of Balkan treats on display in the snackbar window were taken before or after digestion.

The petrified wood on display in the window of the floor shop has no obvious reason to be scared.

The commuters who snatch free newspapers outside the bakery seem oblivious to the price they’re paying.

The rain tells its tragic tale of endless regeneration in whispered rhythms.

Double parked, the hot date waits in the nearby shadows and leaps upon his girlfriend, arousing her because he is not death.

The puzzling man has almost finished the black tableau with jagged stripes – just 100 pieces left to go and an answer I will never know.

The tram is a caterpillar weaving its silver overhead line into a loose cocoon that binds the city.

The wind has laid a carpet of leaves on the wet glue of the street.

The whitest beeches are conveniently located, row on row, near the windswept airport onramp.

The stewardesses gather in gaggling groups before taking off in tight patterns to warmer climes.

Three melancholy trios in the park at ear-shot intervals, as one faded the next swelled, forcing me to stop and slowly walk my bike.

The clarinet a mournful mistress, the sax a whispering, wanton wench, gathered at the bedside of their dying crooner, the accordion.

It’s really hard to look cool when you’ve got a gigantic cardboard flacon of Chanel riding up front on your carrier.

There’s nothing like a sudden hailstorm to transform children into a screeching, fleeing mob of monkeys.

The excavator smoothes the sand like King King stroking Fay Wray’s hair, a monstrous arm guided by gentle intent.

When passing joggers in the street, I cycle just ahead of them and pretend to be a nervous star pursued by a tenacious fan.

One swallow doth not a summer make, but one poor summer doth an ice-cream parlour break.

Is there anything more chuffed and astounded than a toddler perched on his father’s shoulders?

And so we see once more the muttering ire, the barely-restrained rage that marks man’s eternal struggle with the parking meter.

To celebrate our gratitude and joy and hope, it is inevitable the several million small trees must die.

Jesus help the retailer who hasn’t got his Christmas shite up and shining yet, for he shall not taste the profits of heaven.

Four mannequins in their Christmas finest stand by a wooden pole suspended like a swing with five owlets perched upon it.

The tram has its own tiny electrical storm overhead as it thunders across the darkened square.

The Council on Superstition has yet to rule on the new scaffolding that has pedestrians walking under a ladder for 25 metres.

The roughness of the world lingers on fingertips as they turn instinctively, seeking the warmth of smooth palms.

All that we must touch – saddles, doorknobs, polished cars, canvas covers on sleeping scooters – is created to the comfort of our caress.

Touch is the most neglected sense and the most suspicious, judging by the faces of those who see a large man fondling his world.

A car reversing to retrieve a forgotten laptop or lunchbox expresses the driver’s impatience and annoyance with its high-pitched moan.

With mocking calls, the crows and magpies wait to feed upon the more impatient birds that cannot resist the road at rush hour.

Forlorn, a child’s bike stands chained to a steel gate like a tiny, shiny Shetland pony with training wheels.

Children who drag their feet on the final stretch to school, enjoy the thrill of sprinting to the gate before the bell stops ringing.

Flashing brightly, the ball orbits the skipping child’s ankle as if to confirm that she is the centre of her smiling father’s universe.

The toddler in the kiddie seat leans far back, head aside, to evade his mother’s cycling buttocks, like a priest at a strip club.
» read more

The Big Stick – Links, Reviews & Interviews

The Big Stick is now available in South African bookstores. This page gives an overview of links to useful information, reviews and interviews.

Readers outside South Africa can order The Big Stick via the Jacana Media website or by sending a message to lanore@jacana.co.za.

You can read an excerpt from The Big Stick here.

LAUNCHES ————————–

Johannesburg – A report on the launch of The Big Stick at Love Books in Melville, where I was interviewed by Ndumiso Ngcobo.

Cape Town – A report on the launch of The Big Stick at the Book Lounge in Cape Town, where I was interviewed by Lauren Beukes.

REVIEWS ————————–

A selection of excerpts from reviews that appeared in the South African and Dutch media. You will find the latest at the top of the list.

[Newest]
“Sparkling, absorbing and direct prose, characters that display a range of emotion and an engaging narrative technique make The Big Stick a compelling read.” More… (Maya Fowler on Itch)

[Newer]
“In terms of style, De Nooy speaks softly but carries the titular. His trademark is the juxtaposition of vulgarity and lyricism, the entertaining fusion of African and European sensibilities. This idiosyncrasy – the literary flasher in the raincoat – is what makes him such an exciting writer.” More… (Diane Awerbuck on SLiPNET and The Daily Maverick)

[New]
“The thing about The Big Stick is that it actually is very funny whilst dealing with some really heavy issues. There are some really side-splitting parts. The Herman Charles Bosman parody especially comes to mind. But it is also a very poignant story of self-discovery for both mother and son.” More… (Review in Out Africa)

[New]
“It was good to read a work of fiction that was as funny as it was poignant. [...] Highly recommended.” More… (Evan Tsouroulis in Exit Magazine)

[New]
“If there is anything I’d like readers to take from this book, it’s a sense of being open, of being prepared to undertake that journey.” More… (Inter-review in The TIMES with Jackie May)

[New]
“De Nooy, in my circles, would be branded homophobic. I still don’t know if he treats the subjects of homosexuality with respect. All I know is that he writes well and got me reading even when Alma was tracing Staal’s steps in the seedy world of flesh on flesh male sex where gay porn was the staple.” More… (Don Makatile on Africa Book Club)

“The Big Stick certainly is compact, but its characters ring true and its darkly humorous approach undercuts what could have become a barrage of overwhelmingly depressing scenes of the underbelly of the city. It manages to encompass a number of overarching and important ideas about difference and acceptance without being flippant or obvious – an achievement for any writer.” More… (Inter-review with Tymon Smith on TimesLIVE)

“The Big Stick is as irreverent, cheeky and compulsively readable as a novel about estrangement, exile, isolation and loss can be. De Nooy’s study of queer power relations, embodied experiences and male intimacy is sensitive, filled to the brim with an exuberance of voice, and boasts a mesmerising confidence in the feel for dialogue and relationships.” More… (Jonathan Amid on LitNet)

“De Nooy is an unashamed rule breaker. There are stereotypes, multiple viewpoints, a mix of interviews, narratives and personal reminiscences, but every broken rule enhances and entertains.” More… (Isabella Morris in the Sunday Independent)

“Like a bon-bon layered from dark, bitter chocolate and sweetly nutty bits, the interwoven tales of Staal — the moffie with “the big stick” who was exiled from Zeerust to the gay heaven of the Netherlands in the eighties — will have you devouring the pages like so many Ferrero Rochers.” More… (Alwyn Viljoen in The Witness)

“The story brims over with laughter. Two homoerotic donkeys star in a Herman Charles Bosman-esque short story, and Alma and son’s grammar (“I beg yours?”) is rendered with exquisite tenderness.” More… (Ruth Browne in The Cape Times)

“It’s heeee-fucking-larious and right up my alley. I loved it. It’s dark and funny.” More… (Paige Nick on her blog.)

“De Nooy is the type of writer who can convey more feeling in a tweet (#walk) than other writers could in an entire chapter. If you were fortunate enough to have read De Nooy’s debut – Six Fang Marks and a Tetanus Shot – you’ll know exactly what we’re talking about. If not, shame. The good news is that there’s a follow up book and it doesn’t disappoint.” More… (Dylan Muhlenberg in Men’s Health)

“De Nooy has an ear for dialogue which not only renders the text almost audible, but pumps his crystal clear, acutely and empathetically observed characters full of humanity. He builds tension subtly and constucts his story with tender care. I found the novel so moving, so humane and so compulsive that I could not settle to any other novel.” More in English…
(Karin Schimke in the Cape Times and on Books LIVE)

“De Nooy’s debut is beautiful, as is his second book, The Big Stick. His style is raw and macho, as well as – almost – hypersensitive.”
(Ivo Weyel in Esquire)

“The Big Stick is a book that leaves you with a feeling of gratitude, moved, uplifted, and jealous that there are so few books of this standard about lesbians.” More in Dutch…
(Connie van Gils op ILHIA.nl)

“De Nooy is a brilliant storyteller, who blends humour and tragedy in a heart-wrenching manner. […] The story is compelling and moving, skilfully composed and poignantly rendered.”
More in Dutch…
(Cees van der Pluijm (NBD/Biblion) op bol.com)

“De Nooy brilliantly evokes two worlds: the harsh reality of South Africa and the ‘gay is beautiful’ mentality of 1980s Amsterdam, which proves to be equally fraught with violence. Staal is lost between these two worlds – and drowns.”
More in Dutch…
(Toef Jaeger in NRC Handelsblad)

“What De Nooy expresses most beautifully, is that people hide behind their prejudices. His novel is populated by a truly diverse cast of characters: from a police detective and an airline steward to gay hairdressers and a coke dealer. They all find their way into the reader’s heart.”
More in Dutch…
(Marjolein Paalvast op LiterairNederland.nl)

“Overwhelming, impressive, refreshing, surprising.”
More in Dutch…
(Pimm van Hest in Gay Krant)

“The Big Stick is one of those novels you can’t put down once you’ve started: compelling, moving, to be read in a single sitting. The portrait of 1980s Amsterdam takes you on a nostalgic trip back to those days, and the author sketches the pink couleur locale with great refinement, replete with acerbic gay wit, nicknames and juicy wordplay.”
More in Dutch…
(Kristiaan Schimmel op gay.blog.nl)

“De Nooy’s style is raw and rock-hard, as well as poetic and at times hilarious.”
More in Dutch…
(Sonja de Jong in various regional newspapers)

INTERVIEWS ————————–

Interview by Coen Peppelenbos in Tzum literary magazine (Dutch)

Interview by Annemarié van Niekerk on Litnet (Afrikaans)

Inter-review by Janet van Eeden on Litnet (English)

Let Me Tell You

Let me tell you about the night
its infinite depth beyond
the last streetlight
its slow breath
and the silence

Let me tell you about my coat
that hangs about my shoulders
like a pleasant memory that
changes shape over time
but retains its warmth

Let me tell you about the men who park
their sleek cars on corners
their intricate handshakes
disguising simple thoughts

Let me tell you about the girl
in a sequin-skull jacket
and bright silver moonboots,
Where does she find love?
Does she think like I do
That hail is ambitious rain?

Let met tell you about the scent
of deep-fried dreams and pizza
that weaves through the rain
to embrace the smoking scooter sharks
» read more

Airborne Scholars & Grinning Beavers

An anthology of my #walk tweets from November. (Follow me on Twitter – @RicharddeNooy – for updates on most weekdays.)

The wind, playing in the reeds, impressionises the reflected sky as it slips across the water to creep under my shirt.



Ducks are short on initiative but long on patience, content to let the restless gulls guide them to their next meal.



Herons fly low to beat fish and frog radar, before becoming plastic replicas of themselves to trick motion detectors.



Geese are airborne scholars, loudly discussing the equations they spell out in the sky: Σ < V / ^...



Swans passing overhead reaffirm their vow of loyalty with wings that creak like lovers on a rusty bed.

There's nothing like a nice, wood fire to keep you worried about asphyxiation all night long.



Up at 5.00. Fog as far as the eye could see. Walked around house with axe to check for predators.



Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man suitable for agriculture.



10 clicks north of A'dam, but 1000 clicks closer to the pole. Slipped into frozen jeans this morning.



Country bumpkins love strangers, proudly displaying their lifeless remains in their sheds.



Curiosity fed the goat. The bastards will attempt to eat anything. Even large, bald men.



The houseboats each have their own garden, which is approximately the size of a houseboat.

To each his dew.

St. Nicholas and his merry slaves sailed into town today, to remind us where the legacy of our brightly-wrapped privilege began.

Amsterdam’s ageless mother meanders gently in the sun, faithfully feeding her well-disciplined offshoots.

It is the privilege of policemen everywhere to wantonly obstruct traffic in the interests of safety.

Cycling parents come in four categories: carriers, vanguards, rearguards and sideguards, depending on the age and mood of the child.

The workmen in the stripped house are morose, knowing that interior designers will wrap their gift and take all the credit.
» read more

Not All Poems Are About Death

KOFFERBAK – Jump Starters – Spoken Songs & Sung Poems

I try not to give too much thought to the forces that drive my creative urge. Mainly because I’m afraid it will spoil the intuitive flow of ideas. Looking at my poems, however, I must conclude that I tend to pump my grief into my muscles and fists, my pen and my voice, so that others will do my crying for me. Most of my poems are about death or its shadows: grief and loss. I always imagined this was the case for most poets. Probably because I am drawn to poetry that echoes these darker themes, making them more memorable.

Last night, however, I was offered a whole new vista; a much broader spectrum of themes and poems and modes of expression. I had the honour of performing at the Kofferbak event together with the/my (both pronouns capture the essence) new band Brandjes, but also with five other completely different bands/performers that each gave their own slant to the Kofferbak theme: “Spoken Songs & Sung Poems”.

The show kicked off with TRIO 3 EILANDEN, whose music is nothing less than a celebration of some of the greatest voices in Dutch poetry – Claus, Vestdijk, Slauerhoff – as well as any demi-gods and favourites whose work they find worthy of reinterpretation to music. Chanson, ballad, skiffle, blues, jazz – the band chooses whatever style suits the words of the poet and the rhythm of their verse. Even for those who don’t understand Dutch, the band’s sheer joy and pride in the work of these Dutch masters shines through. I therefore urge you to listen to tracks from their latest CD, “Wijk aan Zee”.

Next up were RAJ MOHAN & FOLKER TETTERO, who dimmed the lights and geared down to a more subtle and gentle tone and tempo. Raj Mohan’s poetry and songs explore the harsh realities of urban life, the struggle for liberty, and the glories of love and passion. Before performing each song in Sarnami (a Hindustani dialect spoken in Suriname), Raj read the lyrics in Dutch, so that we had some idea what the song was about. But that really wasn’t necessary, because his wonderful vocal evocation of each poem clearly conveyed the mood and theme. Again, I urge you to listen to this clip of Raj singing “Tor Sahar”, off his latest album “Daayra”, which will be out in December.

MOTORTOASTER gave their very own absurd slant to the Kofferbak theme, with Gabriel Kousbroek, Bosz de Kler and Ivo Biegman engaging in group therapy on stage, inflicting serious harm upon an accordion, Macedonian bagpipes and anything else they could lay their hands on. Rage seems to be one of the main forces driving Gabriel Kousbroek’s lyrics, which leap from everyday annoyances, such as poor parking, to the world’s obsession with celebrities like Britney Spears. The band’s surreal and absurd songs have to be seen and heard to be believed. You can get a taste of their “Bosnian turbofolk” here.

Before BRANDJES ended off the evening with a final set, the band supplied a soundscape within which poets Inez Karbak and René Brandjes could perform their work. Inez performed a jazzy poem about love, while René explored the spiritual flame that fuels his boundless enthusiasm. This flame is clearly a potent life force, because it was René who not only brought the band Brandjes together, but also initiated the Kofferbak concept, guiding it through to this first event.

Twenty-four hours after the event, I can still feel the traces of adrenaline pumping through my veins. I wanted to get this down on paper before it is washed away entirely. What a thrill to be part of such a diverse spectrum of themes and moods and sounds. I hope more people will join us at the next Kofferbak event, which is scheduled to take place sometime in early January 2012.

Brandjes will be performing at the Beurs van Kleine Uitgevers in Paradiso on Sunday, 4 december. The clip below features a compilation of the bands who made the first Kofferbak such a great success!

I think I’m going to hate Peru

I really need to get this off my chest. While my wife is off gallivanting around the globe, the closest I come to travel is the fifteen-minute walk I take every morning. When I get back to my desk, I report my observations on Twitter (@richarddenooy, #walk) in the vain hope that they will entertain and enlighten my followers. This is not only tragic, but also quite a challenge, because it’s hard to keep seeing new things if you stay within the same square kilometre.

My wife seems to take pleasure in mocking my mundane existence by downloading her photos onto my computer. She’s not the world’s greatest photographer, but even a three-year-old with a camera would take fabulous photos of the spectacular places she visits. It really is bloody annoying. But as I was looking for photos to illustrate my point, I started wondering which of us was getting the most fulfilment from our travels. And, being a competitive soul, I also wondered which of us was the better observer/reporter.

So I’ve come up with a simple contest. I’ve selected eight of my wife’s best photos from her trip to Lima, Peru. Instead of captions, I’ll place one of my favourite tweeted observations from my morning walks under each photo. I’ll leave it up to you to decide which you like best: her photo or my caption. You can award one point for each photo-caption pair, either to me or to my wife. And if you’re feeling particularly reckless, why not post your final score as a comment below.

I think I’m going to hate Peru.

[Visit KLM.com to see all of the photos and captions. And please don't forget to vote. My ego is on the line here, people.]

Säkerhets Tändstickor

I thought everyone was going to say: ABBA, Bjorn Borg and IKEA, but I was wrong, very wrong. Only one of my e-friends had similar thoughts when I ran a poll on Facebook and Twitter, asking: “What/who are the three things/people that come to mind when you see the word ‘Sweden’?”

Here are some of the replies I got.

Petra: “ABBA, IKEA, Swedish flag”
Graham: “Hammarby, Systembolaget, yoghurt”
Willem: “poetry, porn, cars”
Lesley: “tall beautiful blondes, Wallander, Volvos”
Sipho: “Stockholm Syndrome, Saab, Socialism”
Isabella: “Thailand Tsunami Tragedy, blondes, Volvo”
Etienne: “The Chef, meatballs, Moot Moot Moot”
Malcolme: “blonde, leggy, porn”
Karen: “Strindberg, ABBA, Larsson (Nobel, Assange, Muumin)”
Barnabas: “excellent healthcare, excellent public transport, sh*t beer”
Petina: “Going to Eden by way of Sweden”
Eric: “Jaap, van, Zweden”

It’s good to see that Sweden has gained renown for a wide variety of reasons, ranging from cars and music to political policy and, erm, popular content. I was, however, a little disappointed not to see “Säkerhets Tändstickor” on the list. Those were the first Swedish words I learned. They are printed on every box of Svalan matches, and whenever I light a cigarette I whisper them to myself in my best Swedish accent. Give it a try: “Säkerhets Tändstickor.”

Because I’ve been whispering those words for well over twenty years now, I decided it was high time to extend my range of Swedish phrases. So I asked the only Swedish person I know, Bodil, to list her favourite sight, sound, scent and taste in Stockholm. I hope you’ll join me in whispering her words in your best Swedish accent as I attempt to decipher them.

Sight: “Kungsträdgården är ett levande område som binder ihop det gamla Stockholm med det nya” – I think Bodil may be referring to a park in Stockholm, possibly with statues on display. My guess is: “Kungsträdgården is living history that keeps all of Stockholm spellbound.”

Sound: “Oändligt högt pratande i mobiltelefon, överallt” – I think I know what Bodil means: “People talking much too loudly on their mobile phones everywhere.” Some people hate this, but I quite enjoy gaining insight into the lives of strangers on the bus.

Scent: “Doften av nygräddade våfflor på serveringen vid kungliga slottet Drottningholm” [Find out what it all means on KLM.com.]